Thursday, December 4, 2014

The course

                                                 



                                                  IMPACT PANEL


I am sitting across from a boy, I think is not much older then my daughter, his mother sits behind me, as a observer, she is uneasy, and nervously fidgets with papers.  I sit with approximately 30 people, in a stuffy room that reeks of cigarette ash and old clothes.   My stomach feels like I am just about to walk into some classroom unprepared to do a speech I have yet to write.  I fidget with my papers to fit in.  

"This is the first evening of our impact panel, it is meant to make you uncomfortable, and think about certain situations before you get into them.  You will hear from victims of DUI cases...Driving under the Influence of a substance, a liquid or texting.  You may cry, get angry, or feel like you should not be here.  You ARE here, because you WERE driving under the influence...or texting"

It is hard to get excited about these classes.  Yet they are required if you are involved in any kind of accident that could have been prevented.  Also known as a Crash, for accidents cannot be avoided, crashes can.  I and the 30 odd others were then subjected to 3 hours of information, presentations by victims, and a movie.  It was for the most, what I wish every child should go through before he or she receives their license.  The first exercise proved very effective.  We were told to write down 3 people we care about in our lives one name on one piece of index card.  I wrote, Dick, Sydney and Berkeley.  Then we were paired with a stranger, (you don't really socialize at these events).  You were then suppose to shuffle the names and pull the one on the bottom, and hand it to your partner.  
The other 2 that were left, you set aside.  I put down, Berkeley and Sydney to the chair on my left.
"Now, look at the card your partner just gave you."  I looked, and saw that the card I had given my partner had the same name on it.  " This is the person you just killed, and 1 in 4 of you in this room will kill, or injure.  Please turn to your partner and discuss who you just killed."  

It turns out my partner, Richie, had a son named Richard, whom he just bought a car for.  I had killed him.  And he, had killed my husband, Richard.  It was an eery feeling, and we both were stunned at the coincidence, and shared it with the group after.  It was a powerful moment for the class, one that you normally don't think about while your driving your car, or texting to your Friends.  It was many of several consequences that hit close to home.

Next up, the speakers...you could see every muscle in their bodies tense.  And for the most part the class was respectful while they spoke.  Again, there are a few who think they were wronged in life, and even though they crashed the car, or received the DUI, still didn't believe it.  We listened to lives ruined, from wealthy restaurant owners, that lost everything and were now 30 year old living with their parents, to young adults just getting into college and having everything fall apart.

Enter Emma.  She was 23.  She was texting her friend, at around 8pm on a dark winter night.  Was watching the phone for a response and did not see the women and dog she had hit on their evening walk.  The women she hit, broke every bone in her body.  The dog she was walking ended up in the ER, alive, but suffering.  I worked that night in the ER.  The heaving body of this great chocolate lab, came in on a stretcher.  Bleeding, and not coherent ....it was brought in by the E.M.T on duty at the scene of the crime.  It had been thrown 150 yards from where it was hit.  "You have to save this dog, it is all she has left"...was what I remember hearing.  10 minutes later it arrested, and died.  The dogs owner, through numerous surgeries, and painful P.T sessions, is alive physically, mentally she is gone.  Emma cannot be in the court room with her victim.  She has a restraining order against her.  Emma is not allowed to contact her in any way.  This was a connection I was not wanting to happen, yet for some reason, this girl who had only talked on 2 other occasions, was standing in front of me, telling her story, from the other side.  I could not hold back tears.  And I had another evening of this class.

I do not intend to write these stories for gossip sake, or for pity.  I am trying to get people to think.  I was never "One of those people", but there I sat.  Not privileged, not untouchable, not a junky, not a inexperienced driver.  Me, a 45 year old, that chose to drive, and avert my eyes off the road at the wrong time.  It happens to anyone.  I asked at the end of class, why this was not a required course in schools today.  " It can't be, in order for it to really work, one must have gone through the trauma".  

It strikes me odd, that such a devastating experience only need to happen after the fact.  It was one of the many things I would have changed during this lesson in life.  We are a society that tries to prevent old age, disease, hunger, poverty, yet we can't keep kids, adults animals from dying from something that actually could have been.  There are many misfortunes with how the system works, inconsistancies in courtrooms, departments, lawyers and consequences, but there are several constants in my life.  The ability to not drive a car with the phone on, or under any influence at all.

I guess you can say the Impact panel worked.  Please be safe out there people.  











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