The New Year's thang

So, here we are in the New Year of 2011, not so kind for the Sears family, 2 kids with strep, mom with strep, sinus and ear infection, but none the less still truckin'. I was trying hard to think of what my resolution(s) could be. Not only the obvious ones,

1) Drink less

2)Lose weight

3) Eat healthy

4) Save the Earth

and it just got me more and more depressed. I need to do all these things and can't figure out how to start or am just overwhelmed by the big picture. I had claimed that I was not going to drink for 6 months, that lasted until the first holiday party....broken, I was pumped to do another session of bootcamp the 5:30 exercise class that motivates me to get out of my nice warm bed with one or two or three humans in it. I started eating breakfast at a regular time, instead of 10am or 11am, I recycle, use less, and re-use as much as possible. However, it wasn't doing it for me. Why was I still in a slumber. And then it dawned on me. People were relying on me to fail. The roll of the eyes, when I would have another glass of wine, the "your not doing bootcamp?"...questions when your head feels like someone took a bat to your sinuses, the pants that just won't get any looser, all these things were eating at my self-esteem and whittling it down to a none sharp pencil. I was down, and not really wanting to get up, and then as I watched my child crawl out of bed, crying, her body limp from sleep, putting every bit of effort to raise her hands and arms around my neck to hold on. I realized I was loved, needed, important. I kicked my depression back into it's corner and squeezed back, needing her as much as she needed me and as I write this it brings tears to my eyes. I was selfish to think of what I needed for a New Year's resolution, it was right here in front of me. I am going to start again, with baby steps, and whenever I feel overwhelmed and down in the dumps, I will reach out, grab a hold of my child and squeeze. It is the best feeling ever.